TeamCushman

V day has come and gone! While I’m still walking around like I’ve been riding a horse all weekend. Honestly, it’s not that bad, much worse than anticipated. I have a few thoughts about it and some suggestions for those will experience this in the future …

First of all, when picking a surgeon, its best to have that does not look like the young Kris Kringle from the TV show “Santa Claus is Comin to Town”. Another point about the surgeon. I know there are more complicated surgeries out there, but I would rather not have a surgeon with a sense of humor as mine did. Don’t like having a surgeon that puts on the extra telescopic lense on his glasses and says “For you, I need these to make sure I’m heading in the right direction!” All said, the “procedure” doesn’t even last more than 15 minutes.

First the shave. For those that don’t understand, the skin is so loose, it’s like shaving the neck of an 80 year old man with a really lose adams apple. That’s why I decided to go electric. I’d rather be bleeding by pulled hair than by a nick or cut. Your choice, this one was mine.

The day of is when I became nervous. In fact, my blood pressure was 162 over something! I had a nightmare the night before. I won’t gore you with all the details, but that led to my blood pressure being high. Drugs are a must here. The “cocktail” as my nurses called it, left me pretty drunk and buzzed. Sorry, no pictures here. If you want a visualization, think of two bald men sitting next to each other and one cracks open his head and is left with stitches.

Now, unlike Lasik where they use a Laser, Vasectomys are done with a blade.

The frozen bag of peas is a must. No skimping here. As a good friend said “Gotta go for the Birdseye, not the no name brand” I asked the Nurse why frozen peas? her scientific answer was … “because they do a good job conforming to that area of the body. Plus, they refreeze well. I had two bags, not one for each boy, but to switch out easier, made for a nice rotation schedule.

In addition to the peas, you need to wear the whitey tighties. Don’t be a man and go commando after this operation. Don’t even think about boxers, this isn’t about style. Not only did I pick up new underwear to ensure better tightness, I went a size lower. I also wanted to make sure no skid marks from previous wear.

The day of and the day after are important. Timing is important in all of this, so you need to do this on a Friday. Stock up the Tivo or rent your DVDs. You will spend a long time on the couch or the recliner. Skip the bed. You won’t be going up the stairs. If I had to do this over, I would pick doing this during college football season. I had to reschedule a few times, so my Saturday was spent watching movies instead. Guys enjoy these few days. You now have the right to relax on the couch with cow bell in hand.

I’m the kinda guy that has to go a lot. So when I got home and didn’t go for a while, I was scared that the doctor sewed up the wrong tube. My wife, on the other hand, thought that my “ding dong” had gotten smaller. No hun, its the boys, they are just bigger for the time being.

On another note, how could there be a link between a Vasectomy and Dementia?? Go figure! 

In all, not bad. the worse part is no beer and you know what for a while. But its not often we guys get pampered like this, so enjoy ….