TeamCushman

• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
• If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
• Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
• I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”
• So what’s the speed of dark?
• How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
• After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
• Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
• If you’re sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
• Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
• Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
• If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
• Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
• Why are they called buildings, when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
• Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
• Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
• If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
• If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?  
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?  
• Why is it, when a door is open it’s ajar, but when a jar is open, it’s not a door?
• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• If “con” is the opposite of “pro,” then what is the opposite of progress?
• Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
• Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
• Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• Should you trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent?
• Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?  
• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

In case you didnt hear.  if someone stole a base during the world series, everyone in the USA gets a free taco on October 30th from 2 - 5 pm.  Well, it just happened, so happy eating!

I love soccer season. The energy, the excitement. Cheering on my son, who normally plays offense. But this is a season of adjustments. This season, he is playing defense, so I have to get used to the fact that, like my freshman year in college, he won’t score. I tend to get overly excited. I do my share of yelling and cheering, so does my wife. Believe me, I get my monies worth rooting for the entire team, not just my son.

I just received this email from our Soccer League. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. It’s long, but take a look:

*******

Members and Coaches:Just wanted to take a quick moment to thank everyone for the
overwhelming response to the poster contest for the Silent Saturday.
The posters are being judged by an unbiased adult who has no children
that even play soccer. The winning team will be announced Friday in Off
The Pitch.

Below, please find the guidelines for Silent Saturday which will be held this Saturday, October 20 at Hensley and Woodlake and even teams that might not be playing at our locations are asked to participate at the locations they are playing at.Other leagues may be visiting our fields on 10/20, we have invited them to participate but understand that we cannot force them to.Please remember to come up with creative ideas for silently cheering on your team. Thank you for your support of this program. This is a one-time deal for one game. It is not something that we are going to put into effect for each game. Suckers will be available near the referee tent on Phase II and near the 2nd set of gates on Phase I at Hensley for your use if you would like some.The posters that were submitted for competition will be displayed around the Hensley complex on 10/20. After 10/20 games, the posters can be picked up at the field on 10/27.Enjoy your week and see you on the Pitch!!!
**********************
Silent Saturday - October 20, 2007 - all age groups (Silent Saturday
will only be held 1 day this season - not each Saturday) Please read on
for more informationSilent Saturday has been instituted throughout the country finding a
great deal of success. It’s main purpose is to just let the kids play
and have fun without having to worry about how their performance is
affecting the adults on the sidelines. Silent Saturday is a throwback
to the old schoolyard days when kids would congregate after school and
on weekends just to play the sport all day without regard to who was
winning and repercussions for poor play and decision making.The objectives of holding a Silent Saturday are:

*to reemphasize that the game is about letting the kids play and have fun.
*To give the players a chance to play totally on their own.
*To eliminate the verbal questioning of the referees’ decision.
*To help the few parents and coaches who feel they must provide constant direction, and to understand that the kids can play very well on their own with limited instruction.This will be our first attempt at holding Silent Saturday but it is our hope that everyone will realize the benefit of just letting the kids
play and have fun.

Thank you for your help in making Silent Saturday,October 20, a success for our children.Below are guidelines that are to be followed by all age groups at all locations. (Please know that if you are playing cross association U14 and older - we cannot enforce this on the other leagues but they will be
made aware that we are doing this and asked to participate.)Guidelines for Silent Saturday

***Spectators: Please be advised that you may not make any verbal comments on the game or direct any comments to the players, referees or coaches - on or off the field. Clapping IS allowed! Be creative in how you choose to cheer your child’s team - make signs to hold up, bring a rally towel in the team’s color and wave it wildly, there are lots of ways to cheer other than verbally.

***Coaches: You may not provide any direction - verbal or non-verbal - to players who are on the field. You make speak quietly to any players that are on the bench, but DO NOT give those players instructions to yell out to their teammates! Coaches may address the players at a normal tone before and after the game, during water breaks and during halftime. (For CU05/CU06 age groups only - since referees are not used, coaches will be allowed to use your “quiet” voices to whisper essential instructions only to players on the field. If this is not followed, coaches will be sent to their “quiet place.”)

***Players: You are encouraged to speak to each other on the field. You are free to support each other and provide direction to each other. Players on the bench may cheer freely in a positive manner, but may not provide instruction to those on the field.

***Referees have been instructed that if spectators and coaches are not following the rules, the referees are to stop the game and issue a warning. The referee will then have the option to give a second warning
if the behavior continues, or to terminate the game.Let’s always encourage and support our players while they are learning and playing the game, but for this one Saturday, ‘Mums the Word!’

*******

This is not a joke. They really want to do this. I honestly feel like this league is being run by Romper Room. What am I supposed to do, hold up the “Silence Please” signs you see on the golf course? Do the “silent clap” that you see at the opera? I can’t wait to see what the “quiet place” they have in store for the coaches. I’m thinking they put some duck tape on the ground in the shape of a box. This is driving me bonkers. I can assure you, I expect to be yellow carded for rooting and cheering my son for making a great play. Because that’s what parents do … they root unconditionally for their kids no matter what!

I came across this, this past weekend. My first thought was … was this a typo? did they misplace their “C”? I understand what they are doing, but I guess my question is, how many guys are going to show up expecting breakfast and a good show?! Aren’t they in for a surprise. What kills me is that these guys will show up a church. I was thinking of going just to see who was going to show up looking for the show, but then I thought better …

http://richmondpornandpancakes.com/